HAPPY DAD

The Wine Merchant and I have finally found a house large enough that when we fight I don’t have to see him. Now comes the fun part of organising to have all my crap sent up to Jo’burg, including the cats. My Dad has never hid the fact that he is unimpressed with the number of animals I’ve made them look after, so it came as no surprise to me when I told him I was moving them to Jo’burg that he would pretty much be ecstatic.

Me: Hi Dad. I’m moving the cats up.
Dad: Those food to shit converters? I’m devastated.
Me: I was wondering if you could fly them up?
Dad: I’ll buy a plane!
Me: No, on your next trip to Jo’burg.
Dad: Sure! How many of them do you want? We’ve got five.
Me: Let’s start with two and we’ll work our way from there
Dad: I’ll throw in a dog
Me: Dad just my two cats is fine. When are you coming up again?
Dad: Since it’s a celebration, I’ll come tomorrow!
Me: Next month Dad, next month would suit me. I’m sending an article on how to prepare them for the move.
Dad: No need. I’ve just told them. Consider them prepared. You know what they just said?
Me: What?
Dad: Meeeow. My boet.

I'M BEING FED

So as I was debating to have toast or toast with an egg for dinner, I got a call from who I assumed to be the angel I had been looking for all my life.

Angel: Baglett, do you feel like reviewing restaurants for us?
Me: From a distance?
Angel: Um no. You have to go inside.
Me: And bring food from home?
Angel. No, you have to eat their food.
Me: How much do I pay them?
Angel: You don’t.
Me: Mom? Is this you? Stop it.
Angel: Baglett, it’s Food 24 here. We’re being serious.

With that I did a little click of my heels and went for a run. With the amount of food I plan to be eating, it’s best to start in the negative.

http://www.food24.com/Content/News-and-Guides/Features/3247/19bf7aea4e574ea4b0e0c23d3821085d/04-02-2010-12-22/Cheap_and_earful

MACGYVER I AM

I have never been happier to see Friday. I may bathe myself in vodka this evening. The Wine Merchant is heading off to the Top Gear show (I’ll break up with him later), The Single Sidekick is off to Cape Town and the rest of the boys are going to some belly dancing restaurant – Don Juan and The Australian – the Grand is not a belly dancing restaurant, no matter how much you try to convince people.

The Housemate and I are going to spend our evening happily sipping on G and T’s and reminiscing about the good old days when we had full access to our father’s credit cards. There will however not be another performance of last Friday’s Operation MacGyver. I’ve only just got back the feeling in my left leg.

After having drunk the bar dry of petrone, I decided to leave the Wine Merchant and co squeaking their takkie on the D floor and got a cab home. After making the cabbie sit for twenty minutes through the McDonalds drive through with the promise of a Big Mac for his trouble, he dropped me at home and off he went into the darkness. It was only when I tried to open my front door with my mascara that I realised I didn’t have any keys. Off I went to the security guard and explained my conundrum.

Me: I’ve got a conningdumb. Have you seen my keys?
Guard: No Baglett, that Wine Merchant, where is he?
Me: Pfffft. He’s dancing with my keys isn’t he!? Can I borrow yours?
Guard: I don’t have keys to your apartment.
Me: You totally should. You know, you and I need to get together more. We never just taaaaalk anymore.
Guard: Do you need some help getting off the floor?
Me: No, but I’m going to have to have to break into my own place. So no arresty arresty.

Twenty minutes later, I had climbed along the wall, jumped into the neighbour’s garden, hoisted myself up and across her gate and frog leaped onto my balcony. With a massive gash in my leg and the signs of bruises to come, I pushed myself through the gap in the window meant for the cat, with half my body dangling forward and my legs pushing against the wall behind me. I was in mid ‘YOU CAN DOOO IT’ when I lifted my head to see the Wine Merchant coming through the front door.

Wine Merchant: What are you doing?
Me: Nothing.
WM: That's what I thought.

BALLS

I was actually going to tell you about something else but as I was buying my daily coke light, my eyes rested on these bad boys. And I thought, brilliant! I can just picture the huge creative team behind this product, sitting at their boardroom table till stupid o'clock trying to figure out what to call this chocolate sensation. One genius piped up 'Balls!' Bwwwwwwwaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaa

'Would you like one of my balls?'

'Why, yes I would. They look delicious!'

'Have another one!'

'But you've only got one left!'

'That's ok I saved my last ball for you.'

'Yum, it tastes so good.'

'I thought you would like my balls.'

'I DO like your balls!

Bwwwwaaaaahhhhaaaaa. Balls. The funniest word.

Am I overtired? Yes, I am.

ME AGAIN!

Because my credit card is having an affair with the ATM, I wasn't able to bless One Time airlines with my presence this month and therefore wasn't able to pick up a copy of their AbouTime magazine. But someone who was lucky enough to park their bot on a seat picked this little beauty up for me, and would you believe it, they've printed Baglett again. Little flying legends.

For those also financially stuck to their city, check it out below

http://www.aboutime.co.za/index.php/foreign-feat/

HAPPY HOUSE-HUNTING

So while you were recovering from your Met hangover I was house-hunting with The Wine Merchant. If there is one sure way to test a relationship, house-hunt with your partner.

Wine Merchant: I like this place
Me: Are you kidding me? It looks like a brick factory vomited all over it.
WM: This is the fifth place you've hated. What have you liked?
Me: I liked that one we saw before this one...
WM: That was a retirement village!
Me: Yes, but the finishes were incredible. Oooh let's try this place!
WM: Baglett, the asking price is 5 million.
Me: Your point?
WM: We can't afford it.
Me: Well I can't. Let's call it an early Christmas present.
WM: Sorry Mrs Estate Agent, my girlfriend has illusions of grandeur.
Me: I would hardly call them illusions. More expectations really...
Me: So we would like to put in an offer please...
WM: Baglett, we are not putting in an offer!
Me: Excuse the Wine Merchant, he wants to live in a cardboard box. Here's my card, if you can phone me when he's not around, we can get more done.

I was whisked away from my dream home and driven down a road where meteors had clearly landed two years ago but no one had bothered to fix the road up.

WM: Right, this is the next one on the list.
Me: It's opposite a correctional facility Wine Merchant!
WM: What? And Steenberg Estate in Cape Town isn't!?
Me: I would hardly call this place Steenberg. It looks like the place they send the prisoners to be rehabilitated back into society.
WM: Well, at least it's cheap.
Me: And so are you. Does it come with our very own parole officer?

We eventually called it quits and over a bottle of wine decided it would be much safer for both us if I went on the internet, chose my houses and then took him to the ones I really, really felt passionate about. So I've set up an appointment to see the R5 million one again. I reckon if he sees it again, he'll sign on the spot.

CIRCUS FREAK

When the alarm went off this morning, I'm jumped out of bed and started singing the song that I cannot get out of my head - 'Make the circle bigger', it's both annoying and awesome. With the invitation to a lunch held at the Boswell Wilkie circus in my hands, I was ready for a very different Friday. Obviously I made quite sure that circus's are no longer the animal cruelty organisations they once were and now are full of play areas, ceramic classes and small farm animals. With my mind at ease that there were no freaky deaky clowns running around, I was getting excited.

Wine Merchant: Why are you in such a good mood today?
Me: Because I'm going to the circus!
WM: To join them?
Me: If they'll have me
WM: Seriously, why are you going to the circus?
Me: To clown around.
WM: Oh my God.
Me: Please make me tea.
WM: Sure
Me: Like a puppet on a string.
WM: I thought you had another lunch today?
Me: I do. I don't know how I'm going to juggle it.
WM: Stop it.
Me: Can't. Are you joining the Single Sidekick and I tonight?
WM: I'm not sure, I'm supposed to be meeting the boys.
Me: No worries, we can always make the circle bigger, bigger, bigger
WM: Please go away.
Me: Am I annoying you?
WM: Intensely.
Me: Perfect opportunity for my dissapearing act!
WM: Sigh

Have a good weekend people!