THE SAILOR

For those with no interest in sailing or no eyes, you wouldn't have known that the Volvo Ocean Race was in Cape Town for two weeks. I personally don't have any interest in sailing but I do have an interest in boys who sail and for two weeks the Waterfront was swarming with men in uniform. It goes without saying that my car clocked up a good few hours sitting in the Waterfront parking lot while I became a main feature at the race village.

One thing my mother always taught me was to be hospitable. So I considered it not only my patriotic duty but my hospitable one to entertain these sailor boys. But when I fell through The Sailors' ceiling and woke up the next morning saying 'Ahoy there', I knew I was in trouble.

Me: Ahoy there
The Sailor: You're going talk like that all week aren't you?
Me: I consider it my duty. You did after all, take the wind out of my sails.
Me: I also cannot help myself. It's a disease which I'm having checked out.
TS: Your phone is ringing.
Me: Must be my first mate.

Mrs Greek: So did you wake up portside or starboard side?
Me: Portside.
MG: Did he raise his mast?
Me: Shore thing

I learnt a lot about sailing in those two weeks. I also learnt that 'hook, line and sinker' is in fact a fishing term rather than a sailing term and that asking questions like 'Are you going to do some grinding?' never stops being funny.

Unfortunately but probably fortunately for him and anyone else who had spoken to me for those two weeks, The Sailor hit the high seas to continue the race and myself and the BFF said a tearful goodbye to the team on Saturday. While I was very sad to say goodbye, I was running out of funny sailing terms.

BFF: I can't believe they're gone.
Me: I know, I'm the mooring.

I knew I had one left...