SLEEPING - NOT SO MUCH

I’m getting f*ck all sleep at the moment and it’s really affecting my ability to go out during the week.

Various reasons are contributing to this little sleep deprivation pattern; The Housemate and I have been known to stare at the various comings and goings of our complex late into the night conjuring up ideas of massive affairs and gross infidelity. No. 10 is definitely shagging no. 14. His gym-loving sinewy girlfriend leaves at 5am and you can pretty much bet Granny’s pearls that the little nymph is hightailing it across the quad at 5:05.

My addiction to The Sims has also returned and since my character is sleeping with four different men and I now have two sets of twins, I’m trying to see them grow up to work out who belongs to who.

It’s all very ‘edge of your seat’ stuff this. But the main reason for my dwindling hours of nap nap is Satan’s pet. This little tabby has adopted the Housemate and I and prefers to eat our food and sleep in our beds. While I do love the little psycho, I don’t so much love it when it’s got its claws firmly entrenched in my ankles at 3am because it’s hungry. Not actually having a cat means that our kitchen is not packed to the max with Whiskas so trying to convince an animal that is half cat, half sociopath that avo and crackers is the way to go, is pretty futile.

We’ve got into a 3am pattern now of the cat realising that I’m being serious when I offer it roasted veggies and it gives up, wraps itself round my ankles a couple of times to suck my blood and then goes back to sleep. While Dracula’s protégé seems to drift into an easy sleep, I lie there at 3 in the morning thinking deep and meaningfulls such as the following:

- Avo and crackers sounds pretty good round about now.
- If The Wine Merchant wants to give up drinking during the week, surely this doesn’t mean I have to?
- I wonder if The Housemate is awake? Let’s ask her.
- If I made homemade lemonade as a kid, can I make homemade vodka as an adult?
- I wonder how Old Man River is doing. Or who he’s doing.

Tonight I know I will be free of these earth shattering thoughts keeping me awake all night as I will be hitting the town with the Single Sidekick and plan to get horrible hammered, say inappropriate things and definitely have a fight with the Wine Merchant. If I don’t pass out near a club, in or on top of it, I will be shocked.