DOCTOR POKE A LOT

Sorry for the silent treatment, I’ve been having lots of fun spending my time at Morningside Medical Clinic. Nothing serious, promise, just a lot of violation going down. I have made a couple of clinical friends though. My Golf cart driver for one. Golf carts are the new wheelchairs. Every morning I park my car and a golf cart zooms up to me.

Driver: Molo Baglett!
Me: Morning!
Driver: Where to today? Plastic surgery, dental or maternity?
Me: None of those. Let’s try brain surgery.
Driver: Seriaas?
Me: No. Take me to Doctor Poke a Lot.

I’m not a person made for the medical field, show me a needle and I’ll show you violent crying.

Bitter Nurse: Baglett stop moving.
Me: Stop threatening me with needles then.
BN: I need to find a vein Baglett.
Me: There’s one in your arm, use that.

A painful four years later.

Me: Are you finished?
BN: Um.
Me: What’s ‘Um’?!
BN: Your vein seems to have stopped.
Me: I’M DEAD?!
BN: No, um, there seems to be no blood coming out. Let me just…
Me: F*ck! Stop that.
BN: I’m going to have to go in your other arm.

Hide arm.

BN: Baglett, give me your arm.
Me: I don’t know where it is. It was here a second ago. Oh well. Another time then.
BN: Baglett, the sooner we do this, the sooner we can get it over and done with.
Me: I won’t tell if you don’t.

Grabs arm and stabs me.

Me: Nice bedside needle manner you’ve got there.

The only consolation is that she gave me a Winnie the Pooh plaster to cover the craters in my arm and a biscuit. Which I shared with my Golf Cart driver. Chocolate chip cookies are the new tips, tell your friends.