ROBOTS, BLIND GUY AND BEAUTS

You cannot hit robots in Jo’burg without the following happening:

- Your windscreen has dirty water thrown at it and then you get harassed for money for the service of having the water smeared all over it.
- A flyer for Prof. Wakho gets slotted through the gap in your window. Prof Wakho promises, with his powers, to win ‘that troubling court case, no matter what stage', ‘trace the whereabouts of people who have hurt you’, get rid of ‘lots of stomach fat’ and ‘bring back a lover, even if lost for a long time’.
- The opportunity to buy suitcases, passport holders, DVDs and suit bags.

All of the above has the ability to exhaust you and pretty much guarantee a sense of humour failure. Unless you are in the mood for a DVD in which case, it’s a huge bonus. But this morning when a blind man was being dragged from car to car by another man, my heart broke. He came to my window and when I said I didn’t have anything, he didn’t call me a racist which is the normal response; he merely smiled and started limping away. I’m not sure what saint overcame my body but I found myself handing over my coat to the emaciated blind guy and his tin.

Driving away giving myself a pat on my goose pimpled bare shoulder, I said goodbye to my coat and then it dawned on me that I had left my spa voucher in the pocket.

There is now a blind man walking around Jo’burg in a woman’s cream coat, on his way to a spa, for his scheduled mani and pedi.

In other news: My maid in Cape Town. I miss her. Alicia Keyes was the bomb. Her main aim in life was to find me a boyfriend so she was constantly putting together outfits for me, feeding me myprodol for extreme hangovers and giving me a full critique on the boys I brought home. I never had to lift a finger because she said my time was better spent husband hunting and I didn’t argue.

I now have Beauty and while I love her, she’s not my Alicia. I HATE asking her to do stuff so when I leave notes for her, they’re usually stapled to a bag, or clothes or something that I think she might like. But apparently breaking point for Beauts was me leaving a note asking for my linen to be changed weekly. Beauts is ‘very upset’ and would like to have a meeting. Call me crazy but I thought the weekly change of linen is a normal occurrence.

Anyone, anyone?