THROWING MONEY AWAY

Today started with an ‘Oh crap’.

After drawing money at an ATM I nonchalantly slipped the receipt in my wallet and the cash into the receipt bin.

Awesome.

And of course NO ONE in the greater Johannesburg area had keys for this box of money I had now created. After flirting with a security guard for a good twenty minutes thinking I might coax him into opening the box for me, it turned out to be twenty wasted minutes since he was not a security guard and in fact just a passing customer. Maybe he was dressing for the job he wanted, I can’t be sure, but he sure as sh*t looked like an ATM security guard to me.

Eventually tracking down the customers mentor and idol, the real security guard, waking him up and explaining that I was stupid enough to file my money in the bin, he went in search of the infamous keys. After shouting into his walkie talkie which did nothing but hiss and squawk at him for ten minutes it was confirmed that no one on the planet knew where the keys were and I would have to contact head office.

No buddy, because in the time that it will take me to go and contact head office, the keys will magically appear and my piggy bank AKA receipt bin will be emptied.

I came up with the brilliant plan of unscrewing the lid off with my nail file and went to show him how I expected to carry out my very clever plan. One screw out and I realised I was on camera and waved at it with my nail file. Two seconds later (proving people, that they do actually keep an eye on those magical cash machines, just a head up) the walkie talkie came to life and a thing on the other started shouting alien language at the security guard. They exchanged squawks and bleeps and a lot of hissing and would you believe, the keys appeared.

Moral of the story?
There are always keys.

Or don’t confuse your wallet with receipt bin. Whatever.