DAD - THE MOVIE MAKER

My Dad has discovered how to record videos with his cellphone and formulate them into ‘movies’ with a program on his computer. I’ve received two videos from him, both testamounts to the fact that my parents DO miss their children and are completely and utterly bored.

Video one is called the Break Out. My Dad has managed to find the cheesiest country music ever to accompany it (because you think ‘Breaking out’, you think country music) and even has credits at the end. The video, or plot should I say is of my Dad's dog, who, the minute my Dad leaves the house, sneaks through the gate and goes on a tour of the neighbourhood. While the plot isn’t really nail-bitingly awesome, it’s the fact that my Dad hid in the bushes across the road for God knows how long with his camera and waited for the dog to escape. He then spent a good hour turning the footage into a ‘movie’ for the family’s entertainment.

Me to Mom: Mom, have you seen Dad’s latest movie?
Mom: Oh God darling he’s incorrigible. It’s his latest thing. He spends the day walking round the house with that bloody camera filming the most ridiculous things.
Me: May I ask why?
Mom: He’s bored darling! He then sends it to everyone he knows because obviously we all want to see the bloody dog leaving the house. Wait for the move Break In, it’s the sequel. If he makes me watch it, I’ll make my own movie entitled Breaking that Bloody Camera.

So when I got an email from The Brother yesterday asking ‘Have you seen Dads latest? There are no words.’ I downloaded it immediately and had an apoplexy.

Video two is entitled The Garage Opener. My Dad has now managed to perfect voiceovers and different angles. As the opening sequence shows my Dad zooming into the driveway on his bike, the camera then focuses on the bike's hooter. He explains that he has managed to build the garage door opener into his hooter and with two blasts in quick succession, the door would magically open. And then he demonstrates. Two blasts later, the camera moves to my mother who runs up to the garage door, opens it and runs away.

To close the door, my Dad explains to the viewer, you merely repeat the first action. By hitting the hooter and the door will close. And again, my mother runs up to the door, pulls it closed and runs off like a little mechanised doll.

It was the most ridiculous, distressing, hysterical thing I’ve watched in years.
.
Me: Mom? The video?
Mom: Oh God darling I know. I don’t know why I did it.
Me: Fame is addictive. You know Dad is threatening to put it on YouTube?
Mom: WHAT? I’m phoning your father.

And that is what happens to parents who suffer from severe empty nest syndrome.