SO MUCH OF THE TIRED

After a very quiet evening with The Queen consisting of DVDs and pizza, I was responsibly in bed and in la la land by 11pm with a solid seven hours sleep ahead of me. Thanks to The Wine Merchant it was more like a solid four hours.

A very drunk sounding Wine Merchant: Baglett! I’m waiting for you!
Me: It’s 3am Wine Merchant, where am I supposed to be?

I can hear the Wine Merchant mumbling to someone ‘Where’s she supposed to be?’

WM: I don’t know Baglett, I’m outside McDonalds with my friend the policeman and he says you have to come here.
Me: Sigh. I’m on my way.

I arrived at McDonalds to find two policemen standing next to their van and The Wine Merchant feeding chips to plants.
Policeman: Is that your boyfriend ma’am?
Me: No.
Policeman: He says he is.
Me: He also feeds chips to plants. Who are you going to believe?
WM: Baglett! I am, officer, she’s lying.
Me: What kind of identity parade is this? One guy? Where are my options?!
Policeman: Ma’am please take him home.
Me: Fine.

WM: I promise Baglett, I wasn’t driving. I was at a function nearby and got hungry and walked to McDonalds. Next minute two cops picked me up. (Now whispering) I think they wanted my McDonalds.
Me: Definitely. It’s a McDonalds heist. So you promise you weren’t driving?
WM: Nooooooo Baglett, you must never drink when you’re over the limit.
Me: You mean drive.
Wm: No you drive, it’s fine.
Me: Sigh. No you drunk ass, I was correcting you.
WM: Why are you so grumpy?
Me: Because it’s 4am and I have to get up in two hours.
WM: It’s Sunday, take a day off Baglett.

I let him go to sleep thinking it was Sunday. It takes the edge off the fact that I’m revoltingly tired and my eyes look and feel like a patchwork leather jacket.